i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
