I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
