It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
