where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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