He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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