So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
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