i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
worst night to have a conscience
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
