Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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