My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
