best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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