It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
