apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize