Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
