Soap is not a condiment
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
false alarm. still invincible.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
