College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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