roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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