Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
