dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
