How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
