I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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