i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
