thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
