My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
