She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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