i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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