i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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