Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
