he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
