remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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