Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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