I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
