Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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