First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
