Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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