My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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