my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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