If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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