do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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