ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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