He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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