at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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