Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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