we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
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What drink are we having for lunch?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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