that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
