Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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