There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
