I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Did I show you my penis last night?
We left an ass print on the piano.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
