dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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