Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
