im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
