I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
