so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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