We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
