I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
