I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
