Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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