Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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