on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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