I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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