I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
barbara walters just said penis...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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