I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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