All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
