Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
