Plan B is the new Plan A
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
