3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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