Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
