Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i need some magic done to my vagina
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
