who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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