Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
