his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
