cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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