Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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