Already got asked if we're dating
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
