I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We got so high we made milksteak
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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