i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
