Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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