I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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