I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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