Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize