mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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