Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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